Knowing Yourself First: Baby Arrival Prep Part 1
What categories do I reflect on when considering how to prepare for a baby's arrival and the first two weeks of life?
For the baby, the categories include: feeding, sleeping, physical safety, relational safety (feeling safe with the people and relationships around them), medical care, bonding, basic development, hygiene, and logistical randoms such as travel needs or house safety.
For others, it includes: the birthing person's postpartum physical and emotional wellness and recovery; the caretaker’s emotional and mental wellness; and cultural traditions, needs, and wants. A caretaker is any and all important non-birthing persons caring for the child, such as, but not limited to, adoptive parents, spouse/partner/coparent, family taking on large caretaking roles for the baby, foster parents, etc.
Before even considering what you want for the baby, you may find it valuable to reflect on what you already know about your wants, needs, and values in each of these categories. The same should be done for any partner, co-parent, or other caretaking systems involved. It's always helpful to ground yourself and build on strengths, knowledge, and values that already exist, rather than on perceived deficits or fears.
It may also be helpful to gently flag which categories you feel most vulnerable, uncertain, triggered, or nervous about, indicating where you want to seek additional support or information. Alternatively, on the opposite spectrum, consider those categories where you feel strongly about, and where emotional or mental impacts may arise if expectations are not met. Similarly, it can be helpful to flag areas of potential conflict with other co-parents or caretakers.
I use the term "gently flag" to mean reflecting and noticing, without diving into problem-solving or conflict-resolution stages.
Regardless of the category, some of the questions I have asked myself, or wished I had asked myself include:
What do I know about this category in general? For example: Do I know what feeding methods are available?
What is the or my “purpose” or my sense of what this category means to me? For example: what does bonding mean to me, what is its role for the child and what purpose do I serve in that?
Do I have any known values or belief systems related to this topic in general? Specifically about children?
What are the biggest positives or negatives I may believe, have been told, or internalized (even if unsure whether they are wholly accurate)?
What are the things I grew up with around me that I want to keep or change?
What am I most excited about, and what am I most nervous about?
Is there anything I am already curious about?
What comes to mind, or what does my gut say about my potential experience in this category?
Do I know any resources (people or reputable organizations, books etc) about this topic for various perspectives?
Photo: One of the values and traditions we wanted to instill was movement, nature, and family bonding times. Baby carriers, outdoor hiking blankets, flexible fans, on the go healthy snacks were all things in each of these categories we considered. Not in the prep for the first two weeks necessarily, but definitely as we made registries or as the kiddos started to grow.
