Safety for Baby: Prep Part 6

For this blog I want to touch briefly on safety.

Safety, physical and relational, simply means ensuring the child feels safe in the home, both the physical space and the people within it.

I believe each individual is more knowledgeable and more capable than they realize. Thus, as always, we start with self-reflection and then self-in-context.

We want to reflect on our own risk tolerance, our own levels of fear, anxiousness, and worry, as well as carelessness, distraction, and lack of awareness. We all have different spectrums of tolerance. We all can be ignorant of certain things and overly reactive to others. We want to ensure we know ourselves well as it relates to safety. For example, I know I am overly reactive to anyone being alone with my children. I can misinterpret helpfulness and have feelings of lack of safety or discomfort rather than gratitude. Other times, such as with baby-wearing while cooking, I may be more tolerant of risk than someone else. We also want to be aware of our comfort, or discomfort, related to the care of infants.

Then we can reflect on ourselves in context. Meaning, what is your understanding of safety as it relates to a home and relationships? Physical (bodily) safety? Emotional safety? How have you felt safe or unsafe emotionally and physically? What within past homes has made the home feel safe or unsafe? Now, what about for a newborn? What considerations are you already aware of that you want to continue in your present life or change based on these reflections?

Lastly, you want to reflect on how you safely or not-so-safely respond to stress. Meaning, do you engage in aggressive communication, shutting down, leaving, breaking items, yelling, substance use, or other behaviors that, in excess, can be harmful to a newborn? What strategies do you have to tolerate stress well? What resources do you have to support you?

These reflections will help you understand what you may need. Do you need more logistical information on care for newborns? Do you need to work on strategies to increase accuracy in weighing risk, increase or decrease reactions? Do you need to evaluate the safety of your relationships or the people who will visit the child? Does your home need some alterations or changes to be safer? For example, some individuals may have family members who present with unsafe trauma adaptations, such as substance use, and need supervision around an infant. Or perhaps a trauma adaptation you have is keeping unsafe amounts of items or struggling to clean, which could be hazardous, and therapeutic intervention is needed.

We want to ensure our considerations are reasonable and not overly dismissive or overly reactive. We can do so by talking to other parents, talking to trusted medical providers, and looking at reputable resources. Same with understanding what we want to use (actual products) to support the baby in a safe way.

Once we understand our present and past selves, we then want to consider the future.

Newborn emotional safety is about a secure caregiver-child attachment, which in the first two weeks is mostly about three things: bonding, basic needs met, and adult regulation. Meaning, what can you do to be a loving, predictable, and consistent caregiver and meet the baby's needs, and what can you do to ensure you stay calm much of the time (not all, we are human)?

Physical safety is more related to your context than the child themselves, since they cannot put themselves into a risky situation. We think most often about the risk of falls, being hit, or other similar injuries from others, suffocation, drowning/burns, weather related safety (cold, sunburn etc), hygiene of the home (chemicals, significant dirt/germs), head and neck stability, exposure to significant illness, proximity to risk factors such as boiling water or stairs. We also want to consider, for physical safety, things which are not actually unsafe for us but become unsafe without products added for the baby. A simple example is cars. Our cars are not inherently unsafe but a car without a carseat is dangerous for an infant.

With that list, which is not exhaustive but hits most basics, you can reflect on what you know already. What products or supports are you aware of around you? What in your home already needs to be addressed or items to support you/baby? I typically consider the following categories when thinking about safety and/or products needed to support babies safety and well being: sleep places, play places (tummy time, etc.), considerations related to pets and other children in the home, a safe space in areas you cannot hold the child (showering, cooking certain foods, needing a break), and travel (car, walking) considerations.

Once you know what risk factors there are and what spaces you would want to ensure safety, you can start exploring what you want to utilize to support the child based on other values.

To simplify with an example: I know I need to create a safe place to put the baby in the main living space. I have a large dog untrained around infants. I may need a gate. Now, in that gated area, I want a place to put the baby. What have I seen, heard about, or know exists? Swings, mats, bouncers? What are the pros and cons of each, and which aligns more with my values? Similarly, I know myself. I shut down and walk away and need an hour to calm down. Thats unsafe emotionally for the baby. What can help me “flee” but be safe for baby. Headphones. I should ensure I have downloaded some music playlists for newbornhood.

What are you doing to prep?

Please note that sleep safety will be a separate blog. It is also important to note that this blog is based on homes which are already at a baseline of safety and devoid of violence, substance use, and untreated medical or psychological needs. I always assert that these reactions to trauma or stress make sense, while also acknowledging they are unsafe for newborns emotionally and physically.