How do I, as a therapist who specializes in childhood complex trauma and perinatal/parenting wellness, prepare for my baby?

It didn’t start with researching what to pack or what to add to a registry. It didn’t begin with just knowing. It started with the most valuable skill—curiosity.

What values do I hold as a person, and what do I want to hold as a parent? How does that relate to the "decisions" I need to make in preparation for the baby? What do I view my role and my partner’s role to be? How do I achieve my goals and values? Will this choice help or hinder them? Why are these items recommended? What other perspectives exist? What are the positive and negative consequences of using this item or adopting this perspective? What parenting styles are there, and which do I align with? Are there leaders in the field of parenting that I trust and value, and what do they recommend? What styles disagree with these, and why? What have I observed around me that feels good or not so good? For subsequent children, have my views changed or are there other options I want to try or consider this time?

To give one concrete example, let's consider introducing allergens to babies. Questions I would want to ask before deciding whether to add those fancy pouches to my registry or put peanut butter in my baby’s first oatmeal include: What are the different perspectives on when and how to introduce allergens, according to reputable sources? What do family and friends think or what have they done? Which of those perspectives feels right to me/my co-parent and our family? What other factors should I consider, such as family history, medical conditions, or differences of opinion between parents?

It sounds daunting, but I did not want to walk through parenting not being grounded in specific views and values. In my opinion and experience doing so helped guide our decisions, making it easier and providing us with confidence in the decisions we made. While there is always room for growth and change I want to raise humans who are given opportunities within a solid framework. Hoping this allows them the opportunity to live a good life, however they define that. I wanted to reflect back on my parenting journey and know while I made tons of mistakes my core values did not shift in spite of all the pressures around us.

I will talk more specifically in the next few blogs about how to do this in relation to several baby preparation categories such as: Prepping the “stuff,” prepping for our birth experience, logistics such as childcare and work, views on provocative topics, identity transformations, and relationships with others.

As I do this, my hope is you do not accept what I do as right or an example of rightness or best practice. Rather, I hope you increase your understanding of how to consider options, see examples of how to relate the process to literal decisions being made, and eventually create your own sense of what is right for your family. I also hope for those whose values and beliefs align with mine, you find inspiration and share inspiration with me as well. For those who differ, I hope you feel empowered to choose differently and share your why and how for others to consider.

I hope you understand I carry my own biases, beliefs, history and context. I make mistakes, have failures, and may present contradictions or uncertainties. I hope to normalize these parts of parenting and humanity as we go through as well. 

Bear with me timeline wise as I try to add videos, images, blogs and links while literally prepping for my baby.